The Undiscovered Pun Tree
by knives4cash
Summary: Blake discovers that some rather explicit property of hers has been taken. Hilarity ensues.


"And so, after four hours, Hannibal's forty thousand troops suffered an estimated six thousand loss of life." Professor Oobleck takes another sip of coffee. I wonder if he refills it in between dashes. Speaking of which, he dashes over to the middle of the presentation board and taps the center of the map with his stick. "The Romans suffered an estimated seventy-seven thousand losses. That's two-hundred men a minute." He takes another sip as I raise my hand, much to the disapproval of Yang who sits to my left. "Yes, Miss Belladonna?"

"Not to impose on your lecture, sir." I stand up and offer, "My research estimates that they only suffered at most seventy thousand losses." Yang sighs. I know that I am prolonging her suffering, but I cannot for the life of me get her to read her history.

"Really?" He takes another sip. "Fascinating. Would your sources happen to be published from translations of Roman-based historical records?" Wow, he's good.

I nod. "Very astute, sir. They are indeed."

"Ah, that is the explanation. You see, Miss Belladonna, I posses two advantages in this matter. My sources are translations of Carthaginian origin." Another sip. But this time, he dashes up to my row. He places a picture of him standing in a field, holding a cup of what I can only assume is coffee. "And, my ace: I've been to Cannae. I've walked the fields. And I can say, without a doubt, that there is more than enough room for a hundred and twenty thousand men to battle." Impressive.

I'm genuinely curious. "What was it like?"

He sips and answers, "Quiet. I walked on land that had been painted red with blood. It was quite humbling."

Yang leans in. "I guess it was dead quiet?" She giggles.

Professor Oobleck takes another sip and shakes his head. "I welcome comments from my students, Miss Long, but this is neither a literature class nor a writing class." He puts the picture back in his pocket and dashes back to his board. "Please try to contribute comments with validity to the topic of discussion."

Yang slouches back in her chair and groans. "Yes, sir."

"Very good." He looks at his watch and sips his coffee. "VERY good, indeed! Next time, we shall discuss possible reasons as to why Hannibal did not use that victory to take Rome." One last sip. "Read the next chapter in your texts, come back with questions, and enjoy your evening. Class dismissed!"

I've learned to start packing up as Oobleck finishes his final sentences, because Yang always bolts as soon as he says the last two words. I still have to improve, it seems. Yang grabs my hand less than a second after I zip up my bag. "FREEEEDOOOOM!"

"Ack!" She pulls me along and out of the classroom. If she continues to do this, my shoulder will be dislocated. "Yang, darling, would it be too much trouble to walk out of class?"

She stops in the hallway, among the other students of Beacon. Some are taking their time and walking to class. Others are running in desperation of not being marked tardy. And a few are socializing with friends and teammates, relaxed and content for the moment. "Of course not!" Oh boy. I drop my bag in anticipation. She swings me around and laughs, "We just spent two hours talking about Rome! I wanna do some roaming!" She is attracting students' attention faster than if she were naked.

"Then perhaps we could roam somewhere more private?" That gets her to stop. I grab my bag, but she picks me up as if I'm her princess. I don't deny that I pretty much am, but it's still embarassing in front of others.

"Finally!" She starts running with me still in her arms. "You say something that I want to hear!" I wrap my arms around her neck. If she's going to embarrass me in front of the Beacon student body, I might as well make sure I don't get dropped on the concrete. "What did you have in mind?" I just remember that I need to make a stop.

"The library, if you don't mind." Yang groans at my request.

"That's not very private!" Her pout is replaced with a beam of clarity. "I vote we find a good climbing tree!" Those words, paired with the fact that Yang is holding me like a newlywed bride while running towards the exit of the massive marble archway of the building would make for a hilarious and embarrassing photograph for all of the students that she's running by.

I can't help but smirk as I role my eyes. I know I shouldn't indulge her, but how can I possibly resist her charisma? "And what is it you wish to do with this climbing tree?"

We finally get outside. "You'll see!" I shake my head and sigh.

"Then you may drop me off at the library and pursue your quest." She's looking where she's going, but she roles her eyes and groans in defeat. We change course, running down the walkway that will lead us to my requested location.

"What's so important that it can't wait until AFTER we have our fun?" Oh, she thinks she can ask questions?

"You'll see," I answer with enough mystery to fill a novel. Yang is not amused.

"Fine. But if it's fun related, I want in. Deal?" I look ahead. We're approaching the library. I refrain from informing her that it's a very special kind of fun for only one person.

"You mean you want to be included in the deal," I correct her. The fact that she's been running with me in her arms this whole time should be surprising, but she's been doing this for a while now. She could probably win a triathlon with me in her arms. I smirk at the though. "But It is not your idea of fun related."

We get to the entrance. Taped to the panes of glass on all four rotating doors are signs written in black marker, "MISS LONG: PLEASE STOP CARRYING BLAKE INSIDE THIS FACILITY! YOU SCARE THE OTHER STUDENTS! THANK YOU!"

"What?!" Yang growls at the sign, gripping me against her even harder. She should be grateful though. I rarely burst out laughing with any measurable amount of audacity. "That's not funny! And how could I possibly scare other students?!"

I smile. Looking into her eyes, I offer, "Perhaps their fear originates from your glaring and growling at them whenever they look at you?" She's not happy with my suggestion.

"Not helping, Blake." She spins around and starts marching away. "Whatever! I'll just take my business elsewhere!" She's so cute when she's upset.

I nimbly escape her grasp and land on the nice, lovely, solid ground. "You never gave them any of your business from the start." I also evade her attempts to recapture me. "In fact, you didn't even set foot inside the library until you started carrying me around campus." My feet were only aching that day, because Yang had cuffed them too tightly the night before. Regardless, her primal instincts of protection have yet to wear thing.

"Well I don't wanna go in! I'd be surrendering to their demands!" She still persists in trying to recollect me in her arms. And I still evade.

"I'll only be a minute." I reassure her. "If you wait out here and be a good girl, I'll give you a reward." I toss my book bag at her, throwing her off her game as she catches it. That gives me time to tuck and role around her. I enter the revolving door's cylinder and look back at her. She's not satisfied with the book bag. I give her a wink and finally enter the library.

The front desk is run by very serious people, and I already apologized to them for Yang's quirky public displays of affection, but they still eye me with suspicion. How ironic, considering my stature as one of their most frequent visitors.

Regardless, I enter the massive collection of shelves forming rows and columns of books. I stop and sniff. I smell Ruby and Weiss. I smell their arousal.

Far too much information. I swear, sometimes I wish I had the inferior human's sense of smell. Although, I am rather impressed that the two are being so bold. Shaking my head, I try to ignore the scent and move on to the section of shelves marked "History, A-B". How odd. I still smell their arousal, albeit the trail is much fainter. No one ever comes over to this section. That's why I hid my favorite-

It's not here.

My book is not here.

Why is my book not here?

I check through the other shelves. Maybe I put it back in the wrong place? Maybe I put it inside a bigger book? Maybe I cut out a section of the carpet and stuck it under there?

Calm yourself, Blake. It's quite obvious that someone found your favorite book. Now think: Even if some students, besides myself, who actually enjoy their history decided to come over here, the odds that they would see it stashed in the bottom corner of the shelf would be slim at best. No, it's more likely that one of the librarians found it while sorting the books. So, if that is the case, then there's no way that they-

Oh no.

They see me come back here almost all the time. They also know that I'm one of their best customers. They also know that I'm a young woman who surely has needs. Only an idiot wouldn't put two and two together. They're probably laughing in the break room right now, having coffee while discussing how I'm too embarrassed to check it out and-!

Wait a minute. I sniff the air again. The trail is still here. Could it be-? I follow, systematically sniffing to make sure that I do not detour. The trail grows hotter. I come out of the shelves and into a small study area in which Ruby sits on the end with Weiss lying down, head in resting lap. Covert surveillance reveals that their noses are buried in an encyclopedia.

I might be inclined to believe that they are indeed memorizing every word in the Latin language, were it not for the fact that the book is upside down.

"Ready?" ruby whispers.

"Hold on," Weiss answers. A few seconds pass. "Okay, turn." I hear Ruby turn a page of a book, but it's not a page of the large book they are using for what I can deduce to be a shield. I might be inclined to walk away and leave them to their own devices, but I've been looking forward to reading that book all day, and I will NOT be deprived of it. I make a mental note to just order my own copy from a website that has an anonymous shipping policy.

They're definitely the source of the trail. I walk up to them. They see me and jolt in shock. Ruby tries to close the encyclopedia, but I prove to be too quick for her and snatch from her grasp the paperback book "Pollination: The Bumblebee and White Rose". I can't believe they found it.

"Explain," I breathe.

"That's none of your beeswax." Weiss whisper shrieks as she sits up straight and tries to stop her face from flushing red.

Ruby snickers at the choice of words which only cause Weiss to blush harder. "Sorry, Blake," she giggles. "We kept seeing you go back to that section of the shelves, and so we figured we'd have a look today."

I sigh in defeat. "What chapter are you on?"

Ruby breaks eye contact. Looking down, she mutters, "Six." Terrifyingly impressive.

It's clear that they are enjoying the book together more than I by myself. I smile and hand the book back to them. "Sorry. I did not mean to interrupt."

"We'll forgive you if you leave us alone right now." Weiss accepts the book and flips back to where they left off. "Why don't you help yourself to another-" she pauses, looking for a diplomatic term. "To another piece of literature?"

I turn away with a slight blush. "I've read them all. That one's my favorite."

I don't stick around and instead exit the facility. Yang is nowhere to be found. She left my book bag on a bench for me, though. How kind of her. Fortunately for me, I can smell her. And that's all I need to track her.

I follow the trail to a small, secluded garden area. There are many lovely flowers planted in coordination, but I'm more interested in the young woman doing gymnastics on the tree limbs of a massive tree. "Hi, Blaaake!" She hangs upside down from ten feet. "What's up?"

"From my perspective, a blonde monkey." I smirk and set my book bag down.

"Oh-ho-ho! A witty remark! I see you're branching out with your words!" She swings her body into the air and grabs another branch, elevating herself by another six feet.

I sigh. "Really, Yang?" I carefully step over the flower arrangements and reach the base of the tree. "That was too easy."

"What? No way! If you think making these puns is as easy as 'one, two, tree', you wood be wrong!" She lets go of her branch of choice and catches another, dropping her by five feet.

She's at about twenty-one feet. I can scale that in seconds. "Yang, you didn't stay put like a good little girl. Perhaps you'd like to come down and make it up to me?" That will definitely get her down.

"I would, but I need to al-leaf-iate this after-class pressure! I gotta work these muscles, you cee-dar-ling?" Okay, maybe not. She laughs and starts doing pull ups. "One! Two! Tree!" That's it.

Using my specialized abilities, I scamper up the tree and pounce. I land on the branch that he's currently clinging to.

"Fou-" She stops and stares at me. "You are on fast kittycat, you know that?"

Placing my hands outside of hers, I swing down to eye level. "If you make one more horrible pun, I'm going to take away your sex privileges."

She laughs and pecks me on the lips. "Fine. I'd rather suck your sap than a tree's sap." She lets go and falls but lands fully intact. She holds our her arms. "Did you find the book you were looking for?"

I let go and fall right into her arms. "No, unfortunately. I was really looking forward to reading it too."

Yang squats, allowing me to grab my book bag. "What's it about?"

I wrap my arms around her kneck. "It's about pollination. I think I'll just order myself a copy."

Yang starts walking us back to the dorms. "Ugh, you're not going to make me read it with your like the history books, are you?"

I giggle and nestle my head against her nape. "Don't worry, Yang. I'll save it for more... desperate times."

She pecks me on my exposed cheek, and we don't have to say anything more. Maybe I'll sit her down and introduce her to the world of romantic smut.

Actually, with all of the practice she's getting with me, she might decide to start writing her own. I wouldn't be surprised if she did and got it all published.

Sweet lord.


End file.
